If only I were 5 again...
Hello everyone, I hope that your new year is off to a great start. Right now, I’m at home in a comfy chair typing this blog post since I’m home from university for a week. I only came home out of obligation to my parents and my delusional excuse that “I should come home to stay grounded.” If it were up to selfish me, I would probably be up at the university library poring over my books until 10PM, studying my days away, because yes, I absolutely love what I’m learning.
You may wonder why I am so reluctant to even step foot in my home town. Well, the truth is, I hate the city that I grew up in – it’s way too gloomy, it’s windy all the time, and even though it’s one of the sunniest places on earth the wind dampens any 30 degree Celsius weather. I was also reluctant to come back home because of my parents; every time I come back it feels as though I’m chained once more in their overprotective wrath. Awful, I know – I’m definitely one of those ungrateful people who can say, “I don’t really miss my parents all that often.” One day I will regret saying it when they’re not here with me anymore. Maybe it’s because yes, I actually do resent them for not letting my experience my teen years as much as I should have. I’m not talking about experiencing sex, alcohol or whatever – I just wanted more time to be around with my friends. I mean, I couldn’t even go out to the movies with my friends without my mother’s constant chiding of, “why do you even need to go out anyway? You see your friends at school everyday.” It was ridiculous, and for me, I didn’t even have the urge to rebel or talk back at them that what they were doing was wrong. How could they not trust me? They still don’t trust me to this day, despite the fact that I simply spend my days studying up in university and I don’t even go to parties. Ever.
What’s worse is that my mother can’t bear the thought of losing me as her kid – she’s still up in my business and insisting that she moves up to university with me. Well, no offense, mother, but I’m doing just fine without you being there. I’m healthy, I’m in great shape (I’m adamant about working out), and I’m getting awesome grades. So, please, the more you smother me with your condescending motherly presence (which I know that I can’t get rid of), the more you will push me away. I can’t even look her in the eye to tell her that soon I want to go to Africa to volunteer because she’ll freak . I know that I wouldn’t even be here without her, but she needs to realize that she needs to let me go. I’m not going to be 15 forever; pretty soon, I might move away to another province, or even another country so that I can pursue my dream career in the sciences. I might also get married when I’m older. Mother, please find some meaning in life rather than just living for your kids – I know that you love me, but can’t you see that what your kids growing up just fine? I mean, I don’t think I turned out too shabby.
I guess another way to look at my situation is that I should stop bitching and quit worrying about what my parents think about my decisions.Easier said than done, considering I’m kind of bound to my parents as they are paying for my education. *sigh*. What a long road ahead of me, this science dream career of mine.
I’m such a hypocrite – almost a year ago, I would’ve made myself say I loved what my parents have done for me (Confessions of an Asian). Now that I’m older and wiser, I feel like punching myself in the face and going “woe be me! WTF am I doing with my life?!” Yeah, my sudden displacement in life is quite evident now.
